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Re: Turning The Knives 8
“Yeah,” Michael croaked. His throat felt dry and powdery. As soon as he stepped into the building, he was blasted by cool, conditioned air. It felt soft, compared to the ...
Oct 21, 2009 -
Re: Firecrow
I'm really sorry, but I couldn't finish reading your piece. The lack of proper paragraphs and the constant new names to keep track on made it impossible for me, and ...
Oct 12, 2009 -
Re: Death for Love
I'm happy for your success with the teacher; it's well deserved. This piece was very well written, and I enjoyed every bit of it. I've got some suggestions for future ...
Oct 11, 2009 -
Re: The Janitors Prologue (Trash)
A plot is stirring. Hatred growing. Soon, the world will be cleansed. Very, very interesting first line. Awesome. Justin walked anxiously down the dark hall, there was a faint blue ...
Oct 5, 2009 -
Re: Turning The Knives 7
“Of course not,” said Michael. “But I can bash my fists on the dashboard and make dying animal noises if you like.” I started laughing so hard at this, and ...
Oct 5, 2009 -
Re: Missing - chapter 3
Sometimes I wished, very guiltily, that he would just leave me alone – his pain created by mum’s death and my accident seemed to stab anything close by, like a ...
Oct 1, 2009 -
Re: Boxing
Eddie gave a slightly pissed of look towards Sam as he helped him on with his gloves but Sam didn’t notice. Typo: "of" should be "off". Also, replace the second ...
Oct 1, 2009 -
Re: The White Room (Warning: Graphic Imagery)
I was completely horrified by every single detail in this story. It was very well written, and an interesting read. I loved the amount of detail you put into telling ...
Oct 1, 2009 -
Re: The Bubble Theory #1
Get ready for some nitpicks and suggestions. This was very well written as it was, but a little polishing makes perfect! Here we go: The only source light came from ...
Oct 1, 2009 -
Re: Sylenit
A holographic screen hovered in front of her quietly reporting the daily schedule . “You have a council meeting at twelve and your schedule is free past then” It murmured. ...
Oct 1, 2009 -
Re: White
I was left pretty confused after reading this first chapter. I am definitely willing to read more, but as previous suggestions say, you should look over your grammar and elaborate ...
Oct 1, 2009 -
Re: Happy Memories
The year was 2001 December 19th. I would rephrase: "The year was 2001, on December 19th." I remember that fateful day, and this is exactly how it happened. This is ...
Sep 30, 2009 -
Re: What do you think? Chapter 1 (rewrite)
The plane seats eased me into a sleep that I didn’t wake from until I was poked by the flight attendant. How many seats does she need? I shifted my ...
Sep 30, 2009 -
Re: The Poltergeist, Natalie Creed
I live in the middle of nowhere on a tiny island in the middle of the Atlantic called Belle Island. I think this was a bit repetitive, and you were ...
Sep 30, 2009 -
Re: A Moment
I must say before my TWO nitpicks (very well written piece, I must say) that I was completely stunned by this piece. As aforementioned, I couldn't take my eyes off ...
Sep 30, 2009
